Random Topic Generator III

Claymation. They say that hand-drawn animation has been killed off by the computer kind. Claymation, however, is alive and doing pretty well.

For a couple of weeks recently, there were two claymation movies in the American top ten, Corpse Bride and Wallace & Gromit. Word has it that both movies involved people making things with their hands and then photographing those things with cameras.

Also remarkable is that while Wallace & Gromit might technically be considered a TV spin-off, neither movie is a sequel, remake or adaptation of a book, comic or video game.

Universal. Yes, I'm still upset about the botched release of Land of the Dead (even though I wasn't bowled over by the movie). And the botched release of Serenity has only made things worse. But at this point, it's hard not to feel just a little bit of pity for Nikki Rocco.

Last weekend, Universal's Doom, a $60-million action movie based on one of the most popular video games of all time, opened at number one, but with a gross of just $15.5 million. If it's very lucky, it'll end a very short run with a gross of around $35 million.

Universal's pattern this year, with few exceptions, has been to (a) market a movie poorly, (b) release it to underwhelming box office, and then (c) send Ms. Rocco out for damage control.

Her "spin" on the Doom release? "I'm happy to be number-one," she said, "but saddened that the marketplace is depressed." Thing is, if Ms. Rocco hadn't released her crappy, poorly-marketed movie in such a "depressed" marketplace, it would've been lucky to make the top ten, much less land in the top spot.

We all know that in 2005, movie grosses are down. But the failure of Universal to make money this year is exceptional. The studio has had one movie (The 40-Year-Old Virgin) gross more than $100 million this year, while practically all of its other releases have either underperformed or performed poorly compared to their budgets.

(The blockbuster Meet the Fockers earned most of its money this year -- but it was released in '04.)

King Kong. Perhaps you read that the final cut of Universal's King Kong remake will clock in at three hours.

Three hours?! What on earth could Peter Jackson have done with this story to stretch it out to three hours? The 1933 original ran a tidy 100 minutes, and its telling of the story wasn't exactly rushed. So what the heck is going on here? And what does Universal have to say about it?

"This is a masterpiece," blubbered Universal chairwoman Stacey Snider. "I can't wait to unveil it."

"This is a three-hour feast of an event," gurgled Marc Shmuger, vice chairman of Universal. "I've never come close to seeing an artist working at this level." (Really? "Never"? Desperate much, Marc?)

I was on the fence about King Kong before, but now I know for sure that I'm not going to bother with it. I've decided that a running time greater than 120 minutes immediately disqualifies a movie from consideration as "escapist" or "popcorn" fare.

For example, if you want to make a movie that's, oh, 141-minutes long, then you've got to bring more to the party than a vengeful millionaire who decides to dress up like a bat and fight crime.

The worst thing about King Kong is that we all know what happens: the ape falls off the Empire State Building! Jackson hasn't been able to shut up about how he's staying true to the original ending. So why make us wait three hours for it? Meh. There ought to be a law.

Kino-Charts der deutschen Schweiz. Once again, what we're watching on the big screen here in the German-speaking part of Swissland.

1. Wallace & Gromit
2. Mein Name ist Eugen
3. The 40 Year-Old Virgin
4. Pride and Prejudice
5. Die Reise der Pinguine
6. The Brothers Grimm
7. A History of Violence
8. Die weisse Massai
9. Der kleine Eisbär 2
10. Snow White

A startling number of non-Hollywood efforts on the list this time around, and even two bona fide Swiss movies: Snow White, which we already discussed, and Mein Name ist Eugen, a family movie that has something to do with some boys who are up to something or the other.

The based-on-a-true-story Die weisse Massai is about a Swiss woman who marries a Kenyan "warrior" and gives life in the bush a try. Complications ensue. I've seen the trailer, and it looks repulsive.

Die Reise der Pinguine is the "European" version of March of the Penguins, except with the penguins speaking in German rather than French, which I imagine is less irritating but more disturbing. I look forward to picking up the U.S. version on DVD.